There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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