I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
are you so shy because you have an std?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
