my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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