I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
