There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
