Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
