Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
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