Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
