omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
