He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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