the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
