Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
