I smell stomach acid.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
