new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I've blown a few things in my day
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
