worst night to have a conscience
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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