i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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