Can i not drive my cunt home
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
