Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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