Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
