Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
