Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Drunk is not a location!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
