ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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