I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
