Too much gin, very little bucket
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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