mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
