Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
