what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
