I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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