She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
