Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
