Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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