did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
