do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
