haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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