Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
