You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
