I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
