Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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