it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize