Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
