he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize