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• (240): View more from Maryland

  How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?

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• (661): View more from California

  aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet

  (623): View more from Arizona

  And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs

  (661): View more from California

  Exactly.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.

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• (914): View more from New York

  The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.

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• (207): View more from Maine

  Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  What goes on in that head of yours?

  (206): View more from Washington

  Gay sex, for the most part. Why?

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• (337): View more from Louisiana

  So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.

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• (956): View more from Texas

  She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.

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• (421): View more from

  your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall

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• (585): View more from New York

  When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.

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• (850): View more from Florida

  Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.

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