Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
