Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
