Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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