now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
