I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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