he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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