im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
this beer tastes like vomit already
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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