It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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