You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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