just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
