we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
