I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
