I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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