They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
