your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
