She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize