my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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