My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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