so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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