Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
