I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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