i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize