Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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