For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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