He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
